We women over forty, fifty or even sixty can no longer be clumped automatically into that threshold group that’s on the fringes of pre-geriatric care. I personally do NOT buy my shoes at Naturalizers, or anyplace else that has “comfort first” as their slogan. I want heels. HIGH heels. High skinny heels. I don’t care if they’re uncomfortable. I expect to sacrifice “comfy” for foxy, thanks. And I do not wear Aux de Dove Soap as my favorite scent. Neither does my body cream come with the comfortable assurances, “relieves itchy dry skin, absorbs quickly into the skin, blah, blah, blah.” I wear perfume that costs too much, smells like a dream and causes men to melt into door frames when they walk in, and I want my skin cream to leave a nice shimmery gloss to whisper softly and sensually that I am woman. All woman. I want you to forget about attaching an age to me altogether. So when it comes to choosing whether I’m going to dwell on the discomfort of corns, bunions or corsets, I’ll take the corsets.
Fifty is the new thirty. Or forty. Or whatever they’re claiming it is. In 2011, 66 year-old Helen Mirren was voted as having the sexiest body on the planet. Salon.com writes, “When the gym chain LA Fitness polled 2,000 members on the sexiest male and female physiques on the planet, you’d expect renowned hotties like Nicole Scherzinger and this year’s It Girl, Pippa Middleton, to make the list. And they did. But who’d have guessed that Inspector Jane Tennyson would blow away the competition for the top spot? Or that 48-year-old Elle Macpherson would come in second, and 42-year-old Jennifer Lopez would land in fourth? And lest you thinking defying Father Time is for the ladies, the male list is decidedly unyouthful too, with Daniel Craig, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, David Hasselhoff and Simon Cowell all making appearances. Note to gravity: YOU LOSE.” Dame Helen Mirren blew them all away with her #1 ranking. Let’s hear it for the old broad….wait, did I say OLD broad? Slap my mouth!If ever there was a time to celebrate being a “mature” woman, it is now.
Granted, it’s alot of work to stay on top of the game. Nobody said it was going to be easy. But truthfully, it’s no more “work” putting on the right clothes for my body type now as it was twenty or thirty years ago. It’s no more work putting on make up or styling my hair. In fact, I’ve got it down to a science from all that practice over the years. It used to take me an hour to put on make-up when I was in my twenties. Now it takes me twenty minutes — tops. But here’s the thing, you see. Back then, even though I was nearly “technically” perfectly built, and had no lines on my face, nothing and nobody on the planet could have convinced me that I was attractive. My self-esteem sucked. I was too busy comparing myself to other, better-looking young women to even notice what I had going for me. The beauty of maturity is the confidence that comes with it. I’m not as lean as I used to be and I do have a few lines and gravity is tugging at me in some place, but you know what? Screw it! With aging comes an inner confidence that comes from knowing your deeper self, and in that place of knowing, you also come to realize that being beautiful isn’t at all about being perfect. It’s about becoming the best version of YOU that you can hone, and then…feeling comfortable inside your own skin instead of trying to squeeze into somebody else’s. Skin isn’t like cheap panty hose. One size does not fit all.
Let me tell you what I find really interesting. When I was much younger, say in my thirties, I couldn’t get a man my age to show interest in me if my life depended on it. Now I practically have to beat younger men off with a stick. What’s that about??? I’ve been tossing that question around in my head for quite some time now and I think I’ve come to realize that back then, I was so insecure that I practically wore a neon sign on my forehead that said, “Scared, Needy Chick Lives Here.” Nobody wants to be around someone like that. Not even other women. Is it any wonder that I was dateless, despite the fact that I, theoretically, had it all going for me? In my delusional youth, I was totally convinced that it was all about outer beauty, and since I wasn’t getting asked out, I automatically assumed that it was because I wasn’t beautiful enough. That’s what we do to ourselves, and that is what society and the media has done to us as well. But it is not so much about outer beauty at all. More about that in a second.
The shift that comes with maturity — that knowing that you’ve become strong and secure in your own right — is an attractive feature. It’s not surprising then, that there are many men out there who are attracted to older women, and wouldn’t have it any other way. The reasons they state for this attraction have sort of something to do with appearance but mostly, it all boils down to their inner qualities and what they can contribute to the relationship. Check out this article in iVillage. 22 Reasons Why Younger Guys Fall For Older Women.
It may sound as if I’m competing with the younger members of my own gender but I’m not. Been there, done that, thanks. I embrace them fully, and I would be the first to share with them, what I have come to know from experience and from life so that they do NOT waste away their precious youths trying to be anyone other than who they are. To them, I would say that the point is to accept and love yourself for your own uniqueness, regardless of age, and to, in fact, remove age as a factor at all when it comes to what is beautiful and what is not. It is not about age, color, size or anything outwardly at all, because regardless what “type” or “group” you would put yourself into, you can rest assured that there are many out there who already consider you completely beautiful as you are. The trick is to convince YOURSELF of that because confidence is key. When you have that, you have everything.
“Success is 20% mechanics and 80% psychology.” ~ Tony Robbins.
That quote is bang-on. If you can dream it, you can BE it, so long as you don’t stand in your own way. That applies to how you feel about yourself, as well. Whether you’re twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, sixty, seventy or even older than that, you are beautiful. As soon as you can wrap your head around that concept and accept it as part of your reality, you’ll see massive changes happening in your life. You will become a happier person. Someone who attracts others to her like a magnet. If you are an older woman, don’t let your age stop you from getting out there and giving life a good, swift kick in the ass — with a pointy-toed stiletto. If you’re anything like me, you’re not nearly ready to give up your leather and lace just yet. Here’s another quote. This one by John Mellencamp: “Growing up leads to growing old and then to dyin’…and dyin’ to me don’t sound like all that much fun.”
Alternatively, I would say that if you fall into that “mature woman” group and you take particular joy in complaining about your corns, bunions, itchy skin and so many other conditions attributed to aging, then sister, have at it. More power to you. Me…I’ll be squeezing into my corset and teetering along on my stilettos, so damn happy to be me in all of my marvelous self that corns and bunions are the last thing on my mind. I don’t have them because I told them they weren’t welcome on these feet…that they should move on because they’d have a more accepting Mama elsewhere.
Get out there and kick some ass.
Ziana de Bethune, CWC, CPCC, CRMT
Certified Life Coach | Certified Career Coach
